Naruto Emergency Services
by NUMA-WAFFLE
Summary: Naruto Energency Services, prank calls, TOBI, help lines, any random thing related to phones. Re-continued... With 90 percent more Tobi goodness...
1. Chapter 1

Emergency services chapter 1; 911

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What if the ninja world had a 911 emergency service?

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is you're emergency?" 

"HI my village is under attack by Zubuza Momochi, and um, well he is killing most of us and-"

"Please hold."

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is you're emergency?" 

"I'm at the Konoha primary, and my teacher has been knocked out by a poison jutsu. Orochimaru has undressed, and is trying to take all the boys into the bathroom, please send help."

"Your call, it has been recorded and will be used to show how great our emergency service is, thank you please hang up now goodbye."

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is you're emergency?" 

"Hi mom Ino has climbed up a building and is going to jump, because Sasuke has left town."

"Ok Shika, please tell her that it is going to be ok, and then try to get her down safely."

"How troublesome, can't she just jump?"

"No try and save her."

"I would but the clouds look so pretty."

"DO IT NOW, STOP BEING SO LAZY!"

" Yes mom, women are so bossy and troublesome."

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is you're emergency?" 

"I can't find my special emergency ramen."

"Look Naruto you do this every day, it's under your bed like always, goodbye."

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is you're emergency?" 

"It's not there, what do I do?"

" Is there an empty ramen cup in you're bin?"

"Yes."

"Then you ate it, so stop calling!"

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is you're emergency?" 

"Jiraiya is peeping in the girls bathrooms again."

"Ok we have a special branch to handle him, Tsunade, yes at the normal place, ok Tenten some one will be there soon, goodbye."

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is you're emergency?" 

"Hi, a giant sand raccoon is destroying my village what must I do?"

"Well sir firstly I would stop smoking, then I would go to rehab and hospital then fix my life."

"No this is real, please help, NO, NO, NOOOOOO my legs it crushed my legs."

"Goodbye sir."

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is you're emergency?"

"Hi my brother killed my whole clan and ran off saying something about me being weak, what must I do?"

"First become EMO, then dedicate you'r life to killing him, then realize that you are not strong enough amd go live with a gay pedophile."

"How do I become emo?"

"Well first act like you are better than everyone else, then reject all emotion except hate and if you get any fangirls make them depressed when you leave."

"Ok so I must be like a super-mega-uber-jerk to all, and what must I wear?"

"Small pants, blue shirt with a huge neckband that covers your neck."

"Ok I think I'm ready to ruin my life thanks."

"Ok and don't forget you need a gay pedophile, bye." (Orochimaru gives a strange gay pedophile like laugh.)

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Please review, P.S if scroll up and down fast enough, you will see Subliminal messages saying; I will review this story, I must review this story, this story is perfect.

P.S.S if you do see the messages please follow the instructions then go to a mental institution and get help

REVIEW PLEASE.


	2. Chapter 2

Sorry for the **very** long delay in updating. And Sorry for the shortness of this one as well.

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Chapter 2 Other call lines.

"Hi this is the coast guard, what's the problem?"

""SHARK- A-SHARK IT ATE MY SON."

"I know he was a bit on the fatty side."  
"Bad fishy."  
"SHUT UP Tobi."

* * *

"Konoha medical unit how can I help?"

"Hi I'm about to beat Jiraiya to a bloody pulp, come quickly, I want him to be alive so that I can kill him later."

"Ok Tsunade I will be there as quick as I can."

* * *

"Hello McDonalds customer complaint line, how can Tobi help?"

"Yes both my hands started choking on your kiddy toys I want compensation."

"Tobi want hug."

"I don't care help me now."

"Tobi want hug."

"Hidan talk some sense into this guy."

"Tobi want hug."

"I KILL YOU IF YOU HUG ME."

"Let me try."

"Hi Zetsu can Tobi join Akatsuki?"

"OK."

"What about my hands?"

"Tobi want group hug."

"NO."

* * *

"SPCA, how can I help?"

"I found a stray fish what must I do?"

"Tobi shut up I'm a shark."

"A stray fish?"

"Yup he's right he next to me, say hi Kisame… They hung up, looks like they don't want you."

"Shut up Tobi."

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is your emergency?"  
"I can't find my special Ramen"  
"Look under your bed."  
"I have."  
"Is there an empty cup in your house?"  
"No."  
"...Are you sure?"  
"Yes."  
"Naruto, try not to panic, I'll be right with you."  
"Jiraiya, it's Kiba, Naruto has no ramen in is house... yes he looked under his bed... no there are no empty cups... yes, I understand."  
"Naruto, listen carefully-"  
"It's not fair-"  
"Focus! Naruto, go outside and walk to the shops, think of it as trainning."  
"But I don't have money."  
"I'll pay for it, just stop calling, there might be a real problem somewhere."

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is your emergency?"  
"I can't get Sasuke to love me."  
"Ino, he's gay, he will never love you."  
(Cry, sob, etc.)

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is your emergency?"  
"I can't get Sasuke to love me."  
"Sakura, he's gay, he will never love you."  
(Cry, sob, etc.)

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is your emergency?"  
"I can't get Sasuke to love me."  
"Orochimaru, he's gay but not a desperate, snake loving retard."  
(Cry, sob, etc.)

* * *

"Hello ANBU emergency service, what is your emergency?"  
"I cant get Sasuke to come home."  
"Naruto give up, I'm sure that he will come home when he's ready."  
"Okay."

* * *

Sorry again for the shortness, I will not update this for a very long time, I have other things I need to do.


	3. Chapter 3

Yeah... this is just a small bit of random stuff, I have restarted this story , a 4th chapter will be posted soon.

So here is my reason for why Hidan has been left behind

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NUMA's YELL ___---()()() Mephiles: Fix and post Phantasmagoria (ATTENTION EVERYONE... when he finally does, youo must read it. IT IS AMAZING) **P.S Tobi is real  
** Beezleboss; **Tobi is real**  
Dar1us; update both your stories, please. **P.S What is your allegiance to the exsistance of Tobi?**

* * *

Tobi has some fun.

"Hello, Akatsuki hot line, Tobi speaking."  
"Tobi, it's Hidan, I'm stuck at the bottom of a trap hole, and in covered in rocked and my head has been chopped off."  
"That does not make any sense."  
"My heads been chopped off, and I'm trapped under a pile of rocks, help me."  
"I'll send someone to help right now."  
Tobi then turns off the communicators for Konoha, and laughs as Madara.

* * *

Please review. Thanks to all who have reviewed already.


	4. Chapter 4

This is going to be comtinued for now, because of two reviews I am going to continue...

In this chapter I am thanking everyone who has reviewed this story so far...

Can you please review and vote on my poll: Who is your fav naruto cahracter... currently over 65 characters to choose from...

* * *

The beautiful innocence that is Tobi

"Hi, Tobis' out right now please leave a message after the tone."  
"Tobi, answer right now, I'm about to leave for the mission and if you are not here by the time that this message ends, you will be forced out of Akatsuki."  
"Deidara-Sempai, how did you get in my answering machine?"  
"Tobi, shut up."

"Hello, you have reached the fan of Bouken-Kaze, hot-line, Tobi speaking. How can I help you today?"

"Yes I would like to thank the great Bouken-Kaze for the reviews."  
"Tobi's a good boy."  
"Yes, I know, now can I speak to Bouken-Kaze?"  
"Hey look, pretty butterflies."  
"Can you please pay attention."  
"Okay, when can the great Bouken-Kaze call you?"  
"Hey look, pretty butterflies!"  
"Hello…? Are you still here?"  
-Madara takes over- "Great another kid with A.D.D. Why is the world filled with kids who have the attention span of a-"  
- Tobi takes over – "Hey look a kitty!"

"Tobi, we are having a meeting, hurry."  
"YAY! I'm so excited!"  
-Tobi is running around in the meeting chambers singing loudly: Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.-  
"Tobi, you need depressant medication, or decaf coffee and you should be forbidden to have sugar!"  
"COFFEE IS YUCKY!" (Authors Note: My opinion)  
"Why am I not surprised, you are such a child."  
"No, I'm not!" – sticks tongue out and makes a raspberry.

"Akatsuki hotline, Tobi's a good boy."  
"… Where is the Temple of the fire monks?"  
"Hi Kakuzu! How are you?"  
"I'm lost."  
"I thought that you were Kakuzu."  
"Tobi, shut up."  
"Hi Lost, how are you?"  
-hangs up-

"Hello you have reached the ' we worship CatWoman4Ever' call centre."  
"Tobi, why are you not helping Deidara beat Sasuke?"  
"I have other duties."  
"Akatsuki comes first."  
"Yes, but every time someone phones this number, or I say 'CatWoman4Ever' I get cookies!"  
"…Are there any open positions?"  
"No. Hey guess what… I got a cookie!"

"Hello and welcome to the Akatsuki interactive guide, created by Tobi. Please say your desired topic."  
"How to find a Jinchuriki in a busy town."  
"Did you say 'I want to hug Tobi'?"  
"NO! Finding a Jinchuriki."  
"Thank you for using the Akatsuki interactive guide. Good bye."

"Hello and welcome to the Akatsuki interactive guide, created by Tobi. Please say your desired topic."  
"How to thank Kzinti7 for the review"  
"Did you say 'How to think of a rear view mirror'?"  
"… Yes."  
"Close your eyes, relax and thing of a rear view mirror. If that was helpful hug a Tobi. Good bye."

* * *

I am letting the public have a bigger say on what this story can have.  
Just enter a topic in a review and Tobis' interactive Akatsuki giude will give you the answers...

PLease review.


	5. Chapter 5

This is the final chapter. I'm sorry... But after my life has calmed down alot... I'll make a new story based on this... bye for now...

* * *

"Welcome to the interactive Akatsuki guide, by Tobi. Please state what you are phoning for."  
"Mission Objective."  
"Voice recognized, hi Itachi, do you want a cookie?"  
"Mission Objective."  
"Do you want a cookie?"  
-Hangs up-

"Welcome to the interactive Akatsuki guide, by Tobi. Please state what you are phoning for."  
"Nearest base location."  
"Voice recognized, hi Kisame!"  
"Hi Tobi, were is the nearest base located?"  
"Left.''  
"Okay… a bit more detail."  
"Bye!"  
-Hangs up-

"Welcome to the interactive Akatsuki guide, by Tobi. Please state what you are phoning for."  
"Plans to capture the Nine Tails Jinjuriki."  
"Voice recognized, bye Hidan!"  
-Hangs up-

"Welcome to the interactive Akatsuki guide, by Tobi. Please state what you are phoning for."  
"Tobi Don't hang up!"  
"Hi Hidan."  
"How can I capture Naruto?"  
"Bye!"  
-Hangs up-

"Welcome to the interactive Akatsuki guide, by Tobi. Please state what you are phoning for."  
"Hi Tobi!"  
"Hi Tobi!"  
"You are awesome."  
"So are you."  
"Bye."  
"Bye."  
-Hangs up-

"Welcome to the interactive Akatsuki guide, by Tobi. Please state what you are phoning for."  
"Plans for fighting Sasuke"  
"Hi Deidara-Sempai"  
"Tobi, this is serious, how can I beat Sasuke?"  
"I'll miss you when you are dead."  
"What! Who is this?"  
"Uchiha Madara, I posses Tobi."  
"I'm going to hang up now, Tobi, you have lost all sanity."  
-Hangs up-

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Bye for now... review if you want ... if i good enough reviews i might continue with this story...


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